To be very clear, from the beginning:
This is not about attacking or blaming crappy men.
Not at all.This is a practical relationship manual, published digitally rather than in print, in order for men in relationships to start noticing the tiny moments where things quietly go wrong and then learning to do something different instead.Most men aren’t cruel, malicious or uncaring. They are often well-intentioned, occasionally baffled and frequently unaware of the small, cumulative behaviours that slowly erode trust, intimacy and goodwill in your relationship. This guide exists because most relationship damage doesn’t come from malice. It comes from inattention, defensiveness and the persistent belief that if something mattered, it would be said louder.Inside, you’ll find plain language, practical insight and uncomfortable clarity. No jargon. No games. No therapy speak. Just an explanation of what’s actually happening, why it matters and how not to keep repeating the same mistakes with different apologies.If you’re a man in a relationship and want the relationship to work, great.
If you’re a woman in a relationship, send this to him.
Either way, this is a manual to a more functional, pleasant & happy relationship.Read it slowly. Or dip in.
Just don’t skim and tell yourself you already know this...!
You don't.
(Each chapter is presented on this website in a short, clear online version, with a longer, more detailed PDF available to download if you want to go into more detail. It's recommended!)
Introduction
Gentlemen - your girlfriend / wife / partner wants & needs you to understand some things and then she needs you to make some changes.This is not a personal attack on you - it’s an invitation - one based on the quiet knowledge that most relationship damage isn’t caused by cruelty or bad intent. It’s caused by basic things being missed, minimised or ignored until frustration turns into distance.You are not useless. You are not hopeless. You are not “just a man and that’s all you’ll ever be”.
You are capable of learning. You are capable of changing. You are capable of improving things quickly if you’re willing to pay attention and put in the work.Most of what follows is simple - almost embarrassingly simple - and if you apply even a small amount of interest and effort in this, you will notice a positive difference in your relationship and your life from day one.One final thing before you continue.
▪ A man-child is not sexy; a grown-up man is.
▪ Taking responsibility is sexy.
▪ Doing things without being asked is sexy.
▪ Emotional maturity is sexy.Gents, this guide exists to help you become harder to live without.
Please read that sentence again.Now start by clicking on #1
Chapter One:
Asking, Listening & Not Fixing
Here's the short online Chapter One; download the full, detailed Chapter One below.Men always want to fix. Always.
Women never want to be fixed. Ever.
(No, really. They don’t.)
Yes, this may come as a shock.The first change is simple and uncomfortable in equal measure.
You need to take a genuine interest in her. Especially at the end of the day when you’re home together.Every day, ask her how her day has been.
Every single day.
Then stop - stop what you’re doing.
Put your phone down.
Pause the TV.
Listen to her.
Not half-listen.
Not nod while thinking about something else.
Proper listening, with interest & understanding.
Let her finish.
Don’t interrupt.When she’s done, here’s the important part.▪ She does not want you to fix anything.
▪ She does not want solutions.
▪ She does not want advice.
▪ She is not asking you to make her feel better.
▪ She is asking you to be on her side.
▪ All she wants is to be heard and understood.If you absolutely must say something, try this:
“That sounds like a tough day.”If you want bonus points:
“Let me make you a cup of tea.”If you want to be unforgettable:
“You put your feet up. I’ll sort dinner.”That’s it.
This is not complicated.Make this one change and watch your relationship improve.
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@caycepollard
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@annlewis
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Thank you
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